And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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