so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
