Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
