I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
