Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
