Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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