Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
