So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
