matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
