fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
