last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
