Sorry, I don't speak sober.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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