final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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