Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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