UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
