On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Randomize
