Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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