Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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