I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
