when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
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oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
her facebook's as public as her vagina
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
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Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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