moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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