I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
