I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
