he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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