Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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