I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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