Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
