Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
