Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
