My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
