No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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