he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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