I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
