i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
