OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
