at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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