im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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