Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
