I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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