he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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