Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
