Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
