my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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