I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
