Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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