I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
