I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
