i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
