she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
