i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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