how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
