She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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