I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
