Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize