That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
