She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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