cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
