well I can't set my house on fire every night
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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