We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You are the jesus of drinking
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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