I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
