Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
