Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Houston, we have a blender
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize