Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
