i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just want nice things and good sex
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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