i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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