Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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