i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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