I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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