the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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