You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
