dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
