Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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