I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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