In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
