Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
