I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
