Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
