my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
