Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
