Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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