i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
