How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
