STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
