My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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