somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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