I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
